In Perspective

Wow, just a minute ago I was reading some of my old PRIVATE blogs. (Tough luck if you wanna read them.) Honestly, I think it was strange how OBSESSED I was about so many things. And the way that I wrote was... Strangely different, and personally I think the way that I wrote in the private blogs was a little more revealing about myself. Like, I was slightly more descriptive... I suppose that may be because I was less impatient than I am now.

Also, I guess I seemed to have changed alot. For example, I guess now I am slightly more sarcastic... As well as impulsive. And then there's also the huge change in me: I'm a lot less... Hm how to put it? ... Less bound by the rules. Not just like school rules, parent rules, laws or whatever. Just that I let loose a little. I suppose I was a little more uptight a while ago. Like just two years ago actually. It's actually quite... Amazing if you think about it. Maybe the inner change was brought about by becoming wiser as time went on. (Sure, cheesy I know... But it's obviously true.) Then again, I guess I just became more comfortable in this world. (There is also the fact that my moving date looms closer and closer. Perhaps knowing that I will be uprooted from my currant life makes me want to enjoy life all the more.)

Even though I've only been in existance for 14 years (ack.), I've been through quite a bit. Whoever said that the younger generations have it easier was dreadfully wrong. I don't believe that we children/teens/young people (ha) have it much harder, but I also don't claim that we have easier lives. We just are. In other words, I suppose everyone cries, laughs, smiles, and hurts through life, just as much as any other person. We've all been through our own emotional trauma and joys, though none of our experiences are even remotely the same. Feel free to disagree, but that is my view on this...

Personally, the last three years of my life were pretty special. I really changed mentally, emotionally, and even physically (but that comes with puberty, rofl). Middle school is just a turning point of my life. A transition, I suppose. And I just can't wait for the rest of my life to come. Like all other people, I would not hesitate to freeze time as it is and sustain this contentedness that I feel at this point, yet I want to move on too. There's a lot more in store for me in life- I can just feel it.

It's strange how about a year ago- not even, maybe a few months ago- I was ready to just give up on life because of all the hardships that it's put me through. (I admit that life started to bear down on me. I became.. I suppose, suicidal. Please don't yell at me for this.) Now, my life is honestly being put into perspective. I refuse to give way to life. I want to live it and not run away from it by using death. That would, in my opinion, make me weak. Or rather, establish my cowardice to the world. I would be one of the many that could not bear the weight of the world. I want to be strong. (Who doesn't?) Rather than running away from the difficulties, I embrace them.

I've had my share of harsh obstacles and miracles and love and hate and joy and anger. And a fair amount of sorrow. I'm not mad at the world. Instead of viewing my move to Maryland like I was descending into Hell, I think I will simply accept it. No- that seems passive. How to put it? I suppose I will enjoy life as the wind takes me. Why fight the currants in the air? I'd rather soar through the horizon on the air thermals. I can't wait to see where life takes me.